Mikee likes to refer to herself in the third person sometimes.
This online journal is a collection of stories from the classroom, the corporate office and everywhere in between.
Even if it’s a dumb story, telling it changes other people just the slightest little bit, just as living the story changes me. An infinitesimal change. And that infinitesimal change ripples outward –ever forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter –maybe less than a lot, but always more than none.
–An Abundance of Katherines, John Green
It is crucial for her to find Anne through her stories, for Anne is the adult who knows the difference between right and wrong and acts after deciding carefully without letting her soft side take over. Mikee is controlled by her child self who is deeply fascinated with all things bright and beautiful. Her parent self, contemplates her actions and guides her with virtues close to home. And if you don’t know what the metaphor means, think id, ego, superego –
concepts from Psychology, a science she seeks to spend her lifetime studying.
She leaves it to your better judgment to decide if her thoughts are worth sharing and if Anne is worth finding.
not wanting me.
the beginning of me
—Nayyirah Waheed, The Hurt
I have been spending a lot of time with myself lately. For the longest time I have been a shadow, going wherever he is, doing whatever he wants, or dragging him towards my interests. Closeness sometimes leads to complacency, which is unhealthy for any relationship. Now I am getting to know more people, trying out new things and slowly realizing that it’s not at all bad (or sad) to be alone.
I don’t know what this new found freedom means, but I’m excited to find out.
I didn’t love him.
I barely liked him.
But he was heat at the peak of summer,
and he kissed like I was his last meal–
And I was looking for a body to drown in.
Back then, I had a candy-coated heart,
like flowers tucked in the pages of a hymnal,
and he had the thick, calloused hands
of a working man.
He talked like a friend,
but touched like an animal
and my bubblegum chest wanted that
in ways it couldn’t understand yet.
He asked what colors I kissed in
and the poet in me cracked open and spilled over–
Exposed like an open wound,
like all the soft, pink parts of me
I didn’t know about.
He was a means to an end:
my Machiavellian loss of innocence.
I don’t regret him,
but sometimes I wish I did. — Ashe Vernon
— Ashe Vernon (from Berlin Art-Parasites)
You visited me in my dream today. You said I forgot too soon. You said we could’ve waited, worked things out in time.
I woke up, disoriented, yet amused at how you manage to find your way back in my life in the strangest ways. I said I would no longer write to you, but maybe it needs to be said so I can forgive myself too:
I had to lose myself someplace else so I wouldn’t feel.
I am afraid of how good you make me feel.
Wala naman akong ginawang kakaiba. Araw-araw lang akong pumasok ng 2 taon na punong-puno ng pag-asa. Minahal ko lang ang mga bata. Minahal ko lang ng lubos.
Ngunit maraming salamat na rin, Evan Tan at Catalyst Asia sa sa mabubuting salita sa artikulong ito. At sa lahat ng nagpadala ng kani-kanilang personal na mensahe, sana ay hindi kayo tumigil sa pagtitiwala at paniniwala.
Kung gusto mong makilala ang Pilipinas, magturo ka sa public school.
Makikilala mo ang gobyerno, ang kagawaran ng edukasyon, at mauunawaan na talagang may mga bagay na madaling sabihin ngunit mahirap gawin.
Makikilala mo ang sari-saring klase ng mga guro at malalaman ang kanilang mga sakripisyo. Makikilala mo ang iba’t ibang mukha ng batang Pilipino, kung ano ang mga nagpapatawa at nagpapaiyak sa kanila at kung anong klase ng mundo ang ginagalawan nila.
Makikilala mo rin ang iyong sarili, ang mga bagay na magtutulak sa’yo upang sumuko at ang mga bagay na mag-uudyok upang ikaw ay magpatuloy.
Most days I am bursting with stories
of sights and conversations
here, there and everywhere.
But no one cares to listen
–or at least that’s how it feels.
So I leave them out for the world to see
in tiny squares that quietly scream,
please come waste your time with me.
I don’t know how to be with you anymore.
Today was a good day and I’d like to remember it so I will write it down. Here are 10 good things that happened:
- I woke up early today. As a result, I got to play Sims Freeplay, Criminal Case, leave for work before 7am AND bring baon!
- Most days it takes forever to get to the office, but today life decided to let me have a stress-free comute to work! :D
- “Happiness” in the form of breakfast with my officemate and friend, Mech. I spilled orange juice all over myself but it’s okay. I like our early morning conversations no matter how random. Also, because I spilled my drink I got to buy cucumber + pink guava lemonade from Family Mart!
- The rest of the morning went by quickly. I finished updating a training module and received partial payments for a training I’m coordinating for our Marketing Department.
- Laughed my way through lunch thanks to my lunch group (I HAVE A LUNCH GROUP!) and over a new milktea I tried from ChaTime today!
- Emil texts me the funniest things. His puns always brighten up my day.
- My student, Claresse called to ask me how I was doing. She is just as adorable over the phone as she is in real life.
- Jess, Mech and I had this mini photoshoot that pokes fun at hashtag blessed and humblebrag posts. It was hilarious.
- I met up with Jay for about 15 minutes after work. It was brief yet fun because (1) it’s always nice to see old friends, (2) I learned a new joke and (3) picked up a new term (pover).
- Caught up with former co-teacher and friend, Ade over dinner and dessert. We saw a mouse *cue gasp* at Sumo Sam, Shangri-La but other than that everything else was pretty smooth sailing. I am ABSOLUTELY EXCITED for the journalism workshop we’re working on for West Fairview Elementary School and the 2016 Teach for the Philippine’s recruitment cycle I volunteered to help out in. I am also very proud of Ade because she’s grown even more confident and self-assured with her work. It’s nice to know that someone as brilliant and dedicated as her is working relentlessly (see what I did there? #tfpcorevalue) for the future of our country’s education sector and the children it serves.
I sleep tonight with a happy heart. And if anyone is reading my ramblings tonight, I hope you do too!