Mikee likes to refer to herself in the third person sometimes.
This online journal is a collection of stories from the classroom, the corporate office and everywhere in between.
Even if it’s a dumb story, telling it changes other people just the slightest little bit, just as living the story changes me. An infinitesimal change. And that infinitesimal change ripples outward –ever forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter –maybe less than a lot, but always more than none.
–An Abundance of Katherines, John Green
It is crucial for her to find Anne through her stories, for Anne is the adult who knows the difference between right and wrong and acts after deciding carefully without letting her soft side take over. Mikee is controlled by her child self who is deeply fascinated with all things bright and beautiful. Her parent self, contemplates her actions and guides her with virtues close to home. And if you don’t know what the metaphor means, think id, ego, superego –
concepts from Psychology, a science she seeks to spend her lifetime studying.
She leaves it to your better judgment to decide if her thoughts are worth sharing and if Anne is worth finding.
make my heart
I can never understand how you can spend an entire day playing one video game. Today was such a beautiful day to go out, but we stayed indoors with your friends. I don’t mind, but I wish they were more mindful of keeping our place clean. I spent 2 weeks making our new home spotless. But now there are empty bottles on the table and crumbs on the floor. I’m betting I’d end up cleaning up after everyone again later.
I am sitting on the dining table, watching you have the time of your life. I can’t join in because you’ve reached maximum player limit. I wonder if you’ll think of playing something more inclusive, or try not to leave me out of things. But I don’t say anything, I keep my mouth shut. I haven’t seen you smile like this in a while.
I can’t resist. I like it when you’re happy.
Anna Katrina Dominique
These three words are so foreign to me. Despite having to write it countless times in forms and what-not, I still cannot relate to it. For as long as I remember, I have always been Mikee –passionate, outspoken, and much to my dislike, often highly emotional.
The other day when someone called me Katrina at work, it took me a while to process that the person was calling me. Katrina. It’s a beautiful name. But it’s a name I associate with someone strong (like the hurricane) but sweet (like my former leadership development officer). It’s a name that reminds me of queens, of icons –symbols of grace and charm. When I think of myself, I don’t think of Katrina. When I think of myself and I have to think of Katrina, I have to say it out loud to believe it. But I say it and I don’t feel anything. It just leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
Why did my parents decide to give me three names and call me with a fourth one?
But I will try to stop overthinking now.
He comes home after work,
retreats to a corner with his games.
She leans in for a kiss, or a peck on the cheek
But he doesn’t notice.
It’s been a long day at work,
and all he wants to do is
away from the world
away from her.
Today, I found myself teaching again after 3
painfully long months.
Except this time I was in an air-conditioned room. I had a projector and a clicker (!!!) . There was also an unlimited supply of coffee and water. Everything is the exact opposite of my former classroom.
Just to give a little bit of context, I was asked to teach a module that the company has been running for years. Prior to my actual run, I had been sitting in sessions for 1 month and I had THREE walk-throughs (teaching demonstrations) that required me to revise and restructure existing content. Needless to say, I was incredibly prepared for this run.
But since I have a very bittersweet relationship with fate, things went horribly wrong today. I was still in our condo by 7:15am. There were no jeeps in sight. I forgot my make-up in the main office and I misplaced my eyeglasses. When I got to work, one of the trainers immediately commented on my bare face, untied hair (I forgot my scrunchee too) and flat shoes. Personal appearance is one of the top priorities in being a trainer and I felt like I already failed without even beginning.
As I said, my relationship with fate is bittersweet. Everything fell into place as soon as I started the session. I did not feel the need to look at the notes I prepared. The participants laughed at my jokes (siyempre mahalaga ito haha). AND I was able to drive the point that eventhough our business is profit-driven, we can find meaning in our jobs by providing an extraordinary dining experience to our guests. We also talked about harmonious working relationships and how it affects success. My personal goal was for them to buy into the idea that we achieve more when we go beyond what we’re expected to do. To my surprise, our discussion was rich with insights. The Management Trainees shared their ideas and concerns without me having to coax it out of them. After my run, one of our managers congratulated me for a job well done.
If anything, today reaffirmed my belief that my life’s purpose is to teach. Not because I am excellent at it (there is still room for improvement) but because I can’t think of anything else I love more than sharing my knowledge and engaging people in meaningful conversations/discussions. I had so much fun today and I look forward to the training sessions I have to conduct in the future :)
I am terrified that you do not want this as much as I do.