I stopped the tears from coming on the way to work today, but they poured anyway as soon as I saw Jessica.
Today I am hurt, and angry; I can barely see anything else. The emotional exhaustion has become a constant companion I’ve gotten so good at taming the (invisible) monsters. But this morning they won, crashing on the walls I worked so hard to build.
I think about dying a lot and wonder about if or when I go, someone will finally realize that the signs have always been there. That the words that flow are cries for help, or comfort, or a listening ear (that does not judge) at the very least.
The wait did me good, I reached a sense of calm, ironically with coffee. This afternoon went by so fast, I almost did not keep up. But I write with a grateful heart that today I chose not to give up.
Currently at Fully Booked waiting for the traffic to die down.
It’s been a good day after all.